Muttering on Not Connecting the Dots

Endurance for a six-year-old was many miles long car ride from Indiana to New Jersey, with ‘parents’ I didn’t know, after final adoption papers were signed. Already adept in finding ways to distance myself from uncomfortable situations I found myself in, I discovered a new and appealing distraction to divert my attention from unpleasant things occurring around me that lasted and morphed in scope and significance until present day.

For meals the new ‘family’ stopped at scattered diners along Interstate 70. Pulling into places with neon signs flashing brilliant colors, silver surfaces sparkling everywhere, soft red leather booths, juke boxes and placemats with games and pictures you could make by connecting a series of dots.

My young self didn’t know the word neon was attached to the bright blinking signs, just knew they made me feel happy and warm inside to see. Made the stern faces of those people sitting silently across the booth seem less daunting. I couldn’t read the placemats jokes and other trivia, but I could follow the dots to reveal a cheerful or funny picture while the uncomfortable tableau unfolded around me. I learned from that experience that if I remained busy and quiet no unwanted attention came my way, and I could make myself happy with drawings and images.

Now, true to my innate nature, I most certainly did not remain noiseless and from time to time receive unwanted attention – but my love of unveiling images from connecting the dots that produce a feeling or thought continues. Morphing into other realms that could benefit from the process of connecting dots is a matter of thoughtfulness.

I once had someone tell me I am a very thoughtful person and really associated a given circumstance with the suitable and heartfelt response. How did I come up with this knack of being so thoughtful? By remembering and connecting the dots of course. By using knowledge ‘dots’ of the person’s likes, dislikes, tidbits of conversation, facial expressions, and having general empathy for a given situation. Thoughtfulness on one hand is a powerful instrument for uplifting a person’s spirit. Thoughtlessness on the other hand can cause injury to the spirit.  

Muttering to myself lately about people who have the connecting dots available to them to uplift and make someone feel better but disregards their worth for whatever reason makes me sad. It can also infect a relationship connection with bitterness and feelings of not being respected and valued.

Take for example: A person tells you they are having hearing difficulties when talking on the phone. Do you call them at a quiet time when they can concentrate on words spoken, or call them while chewing food or doing noisy tasks that muffles words? Thoughtfulness would dictate you call at a quiet time. Thoughtlessness is not recognizing the frustration that comes along with not being listened to about personal difficulty and creating stress for the individual.

This is only one small example of what it means to be thoughtful by collecting information, connecting it to a situation and sharing the gift of acknowledgement. Each small act of kindness and validation can make a grand difference in a person’s life.